I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Drunk is not a location!
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
