pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Randomize
