i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
