what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Randomize
