I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Randomize
