I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
