we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
