So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
