PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
