im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Randomize
