U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Randomize
