How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
