Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
