Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
