She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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