and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
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