WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
You left your underwear on the fireplace
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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