She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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