btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Life without a bra equals bliss.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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