I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
