And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
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at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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