I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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