someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize