good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Damn victory sex feels great
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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