One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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