I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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