You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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