His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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