matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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