I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
