I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
