i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
