It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
