Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
