Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
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by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
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The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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