thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
