i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
