im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
