I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
