I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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