Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
