I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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