She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Rumble strips road head = magical
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
