I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
