What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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