all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Just invented taco cereal.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
