He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
