so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize