Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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