Please, let me fuck your mom
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
