I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
