OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Randomize
