he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
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