she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
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