I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
