after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
