Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
