It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
