I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
