I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
