Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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