listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
