you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
