Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
