So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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