Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
