Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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