the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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