is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
