you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
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i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
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