I'm so fucking centered right now
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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