Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
